Remembering back......
It was Christmas morning Dec.25 2010 at 12:30am. I had just woken up after taking a short snooze.
We had entertained guest for Christmas Eve. dinner, then went to Christmas Mass so I was quite tired.
It was 12:30am just before I was to go down stairs to SPRINKLE some Christmas magic on the living room. {wink*wink*} I needed to go pee...... and was 1 week late for my period so, I thought what better time to take a test....a pregnancy test that is!
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History~
Since no one reading this blog knows me I will fill you in on some history really quick....
Hubby and I have 6 kiddos.....4 boys and 2 girls in that order. They range in age from 16-3yrs
I am 42 yrs old and hubby is now 47.
We leave our birth control to the Lord and we had been hoping praying and trying for 17 months to conceive with our 7th child. We wanted to keep the spacing the same. (all the kids are 2 1/2-3yrs apart.)
I was and still am breastfeeding my 3 yr old daughter. Six months into TTC I had my thyroid levels checked then at the one year mark I had my hormones check to see if I was ovulating. All came back great. DR said, just cut down on the nursing of my daughter and things should be fine.
I had been drinking chia soy lattes in the mornings for about 1 year, then stoped using SOY in Oct. 2010 after reading
what soy can do to fertility. It messes with your estrogen levels. I take my vitamins and folic acid on most days. I was ready to be pregnant!
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So on this awesome Christmas morning, just before going down stairs to "SPRINKLE" some Christmas magic all about......I peed in a cup and dipped in the little test strip then waited! (I buy them in bulk on line)
I had been testing on and off for 17 months, so I just figured this month wasn't going to be any different.
After waiting only 30 seconds and only seeing one line show up.....you know the one! I slipped the test back into the package and threw it out........
I sat on the toilet for a moment trying to wake up before heading down stairs. Something told me to get it back out of the trash and look at it again. This time there was 2 lines..........YES!!!!
The double lines I had been waiting for.
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History~
My hubby......though we leave birth control up to the Lord my hubby was fine with 6 kiddos.
He was not 100% sure he wanted anymore....but knew it could happened.
We don't do anything to stop it.
Hubby was coming up on his 47th birthday in Jan. 2011.
With EVERY pregnancy I have had (6)....hubby get the deer in the headlights look that seems to last well into my 3 month. Then he settles down, knowing GOD will provide.
(we are not rich but we are far from poor)
My hubby is an awesome dad and loves all his children!
I had asked my hubby months prior to this positive test.......If I were to get a positive test would you want to know right away? or want me to tell you when I was 3 months or so?
He picked the wait 3 months.
Hubby has a stressful job and him knowing sooner would not change the fact I'm pregnant.
So waiting to tell him was what I decided would be best.
He'd just have less time of worry. Plus he had the week off....I did not want to STRESS him out.
Have you ever watched the show "I didn't even know I was pregnant?"
I thought I would see how long it would take before people started to notice.
How can you NOT know you are pregnant?
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I decided I would keep my wonderful news a secret..........the plan was to make my BIG announcement on Valentines Day 2011. I would have been 12wks 1d.
I went down stairs with hubby to get tree and things ready for the kids.....then we when back up to bed until 7:30am.
Since I could NOT believe I was pregnant, I decided to use a test a had been saving for just the right time.
This test was the kind that spells it out for you PREGNANT!!!!!
You know, the first test could have been wrong, right?????
I gave a fresh pee in the cup and dipped the plastic test stick in and counted to 8..........then tossed the stick into a wicker drawer across from the toilet....and waited. I slide the drawer open every few seconds and peeked in.....all I saw was the hour glass flashing! I quickly closed the drawer each time as I did not want hubby to walk in and see.
The final time I opened the drawer......I saw the word PREGNANT!!!!!! WOW I could hardly believe it!
So after Christmas breakfast and opening gifts with hubby, my mom and the kids, I ran up to my room to get out my calender and start figuring out all the dates.......Due Date, conception date ALL that fun stuff!
I was on cloud nine! I felt so peaceful!
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| This is me 6 weeks pregnant with my 7th. |
My due date was August 28 2011.
I conceived on or about Dec. 6 2010
Implantation could have happened Dec. 12 the day we got our Christmas tree.
Thinking back to that day I was very crampy......I never get cramps when I have my period but did think my period might possibly start early......but then when it did not start and I got a positive test I said AAH it WAS baby implanting!
I did tell my mom I was pregnant the day after Christmas.....she was here visiting for a week at Christmas.
I wanted my mom to be able to plan her trip back out when the baby was due! My mom was so excited!
SSSHHHHH Mums the word! :)
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| Swedish meatballs at IKEA The drink Kristian Regale is what gave me the idea for this baby's name.....I felt this baby was a boy from the start. We spelled it Christian.... |
On the way from taking my mom to the airport, I stopped at IKEA with just my 2 youngest girls....I had not been shopping there in years. I had some cash, but planed on writing a check for the items I wanted and saving the cash taking the girls to dine on Swedish meatballs. When it came time to ring my stuff up I saw the WE DON"T TAKE CHECKS sign. :( I do not use depit or credit. I put everything in the reject cart and only bought a tin of cookies. The tin had a picture of 7 kids (all ages) on the front having a snowball fight.
That was going to be ME with 7 kids. I was planning on using the tin when it was empty to put our new baby's Christmas ornaments in year after year. I was going to tell this baby every year the story of me finding out he was on his way! A feeling of joyous bliss!
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| The cookie tin I bought at IKEA |
I also told my best friend (she's 52) a few day after my mom left for home. Only two people knew that was it. My BFF and I had lunch out at a my favorite Greek restaurant, then went browsing the antique and consignment boutiques for a few hours....no kids. I ended up buying a red sweater jacket.....I was going to wear it on Valentines day when I made my BIG announcement. Life was good. I glowed from the inside out.......I was going to have a baby!
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| A Greek Gyro from my favorite place! So totally YUMMO!~ I love tezeeky sauce! |
Hi Georgiann,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that you have started this blog. This blog will help you work through your feelings during this hard, emotional time of loss. My blog helped me during my time. I don't know what it is about writing, but for me it's always been such a great outlet. I hope you find comfort in it, as well.
I am really sorry to learn of your loss :( I used to feel bad for those who have miscarried, before I myself experienced one, but now that I actually have been there myself, I really, really can feel such a deep felt sadness for another mama who goes through it. It sure does hurt, doesn't it? For me, the physical part wasn't bad at all -- but the never knowing who that little one was just about kills me when I think about it. I hate the fact that one of my precious children is not with us, sharing our life, enjoying our crazy times. I'm sad that I never knew if it was a boy or girl. I'm sad that this little one never got to be hugged and kissed on by his/her older siblings. The whole thing...is just such a loss.
I know I don't have to explain this to you -- you know. But all that being said, I can tell you that the loss does get easier as time passes. It's been 8 months since my loss and I am in a really good, emotional place right now. I know there is a little soul in Heaven, waiting for us. He or she will run to me when I get to Heaven, and it will be as if we were never apart.
It's good to go through the grief -- I bet that sounds a bit crazy, but I found that I was able to pick up the pieces and go on with life easier because I really DID grieve, and I let myself grieve, when I needed to. I wrote in my journal, I wrote in my blog. And I talked a lot about that baby - to my husband, to my children, to friends. I didn't just keep it inside. That helped.
All my posts about my miscarriage are under "miscarriage" at my blog, my most emotional one being titled "loss" -- that was a hard one to write, but I am so glad that I did it. It documented what happened, and although I know I'll never forget that day and what happened, it was helpful to me to write it out. And I can't help but to think that it might help someone else out there, too, who is going through this loss.
May God give you comfort at this difficult time. I'm praying for you.